Psychology Professor: “Vegans Probably Don’t Have Orgasms”


(Psychology) Professor Julian Reinhard caused an uproar in his local Austrian community when he declared during a press conference on Wednesday that his twenty-two years as a psychoanalyst have led him to believe that vegans are likely incapable of having orgasms. “I don’t know for sure,” explained Reinhard, “it’s just a feeling I have, I guess.” The renowned professor had been a practicing therapist for almost two decades before beginning a teaching career at the Austrian School For The Metaphysical.  His controversial comments were made while Reinhard was doing a book signing for his newly penned, Your Mind Is A Pusillanimous Thew (Kong Press, 2015; Amazon Price $42.80).

“I am, of course, bound by laws of confidentiality,” Reinhard said, “but I can tell you that based on information received, I have long sensed a connection of some sort between veganism and the total inability to cum.”


His remarks enraged many of those there, some of whom were outspoken about their new disdain for the scholar. Wanda Portnoy angrily threw her copy of Reinhard’s new tome right at the author and stormed out, crying. “He doesn’t know what he is talking about. He is just a mean, stupid idiot who thinks he knows what he is talking about but does not. He does not know what he is talking about. He is wrong. He is mean and stupid and does not know what he is talking about.”

It is unclear whether Reinhard’s comments will have any impact on the sales of his new book. Representatives from Kong Press could not be reached for comment.

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