(Study) New research shows that Joe Elliot-fronted hard rock group Def Leppard has not created any good music since 1983. Inarguably, that year saw the release of their high watermark, the multi-platinum hard rock powerhouse, Pyromania. While sheer sales numbers may claim that their late-eighties recording of Hysteria had substance, new data derides such a claim. Henry Galbolp, CEO of marketing research giant TELMO, spearheaded the research project, but is unwilling to disclose too many of the details that led to the surprising findings. “Let’s just say that we found literal proof that their music has been vacuous since their ‘Photograph’ period, despite what anyone says”, claims Galbolp. When sales figures were brought up, he continued to defend the science. “Hey, sometimes numbers lie. Everyone knows that. So a lot of people bought Hysteria. Who cares? Our study shows that very few cool people bought it, or like it. And those that did, it turns out, made the album purchase in order to get laid.”
Yet many on Twitter dispute Galbolp’s study, including “Sexrox1969”, who took to social media to opine, “Leppard rulez earth u idiotz.”
The Houston, Texas-based TELMO Corporation is currently following up the Def Leppard project with an extensive study to determine whether or not musician Matthew Sweet was ever actually relevant.