Arod, Realizing 2016 Yankees Are Not Winning Anything, Quits Early


(New York) Alex Rodriguez announced today that he will retire from baseball after the Yankees game this coming Friday.

After an over 20 year career, which included one world championship,  14 All Star appearances,  and three A.L. MVP awards,  Rodriguez is jumping ship mid-season because, according to insiders, he knows there’s no reason to even try anymore if the team is just trading away all the decent players.  “I did tell  him that quitting in the middle of the season, and in the middle of a three game series, sends a bad message. It’s selfish. I told him that kids are watching”, said a longtime friend who wished to remain anonymous.  “He said he was only thinking of himself right up to the very end because ‘he wanted to send a consistent message’ throughout his entire career, up until the last inning he plays.”

The insider continued: “How weird would it be if Alex showed some integrity and played the whole season out at this point, even though there is nothing personally in it that is fun for him anymore?

Beginning next year, Rodriguez will become a team advisor.  Alex explained this decision after the press conference: “I think I would be good in an advisor role for the New York Yankees because, like, if anyone tries to sue them or anything I can help them a lot with that because I have been on the other end of that, literally. I’m being literal, guys.” For more go to

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