(Local) A quiet Arizona neighborhood got a little louder this week when Prescott resident Corey Bilius called out his next door neighbors for having a welcome mat that does not accurately portray who they really are.
“You can’t believe everything you read on a welcome mat”, complained Bilius, who noticed on Friday that his next door neighbors Kayla Ostermann and Rory Klem keep a mat in front of their door that reads, Welcome To Our Love Nest.
“They fight all the time”, explained Bilius, 24, who has lived next door to the couple for about three months. “My dad almost called the cops on ‘em one time, but he changed his mind.”
Bilius first saw the mat while returning a piece of mail that was erroneously delivered to him:
“I had no idea it was there because I’d never been on their property before. But then I saw it and thought to myself, ‘Oh right, this is a love nest for sure. More like a fight nest!’ I mean, it struck me as being a very dishonest message, not consistent with who they really are.”
Added Bilius, “And I don’t know about you, but I am a big believer of honesty. Honesty is huge for me. Ask anybody.”
According to the hostess at IHOP, where Bilius spoke freely to us while waiting for his “breakfast date”, the couple in question have lived in their house for over five years and have two children.
(Opinion) A man who occasionally works out at a local YMCA always turns the television volume up way too loud, according to an eyewitness who claims she’s seen him do it on multiple occasions. The woman, who asked that her name not be printed, said, “This guy comes in here (to the cardio room) sometimes and turns on the television, and just blasts the volume like it’s nobody’s business! It’s rude, and it really bothers me and some of the other patrons.”
While no one else we spoke to would publicly comment on the matter, some did corroborate the woman’s story, nodding yes when asked if they’d ever seen the man put the community television set on too loud.
“All the time”, shot one person while hurriedly walking past our conversation.
According to an employee at the front desk of the ‘Y’ (located in Ventura County, California, where the incidents have reportedly taken place), there are no hard and fast policies concerning the matter of television volume. According to the rules posted on the walls in said facility, everyone is to “be respectful”, but this is somewhat subjective.
“I know he’s an older gentlemen who maybe can’t hear so good anymore,” the woman continued, “but even so, it wouldn’t kill the YMCA to make some rules about this that are more strict. What comes around goes around.”
I asked her what she meant by ‘what comes around goes around’, but she avoided the question, instead adding: “People need to start showing some more respect around here or I’ll be working out at one of their other locations.”
(News) A heterosexual man was spotted eating lunch at a Panera Bread located in Tom’s River, New Jersey on Saturday. Phil Darwell, of White Plains, New York, stopped there with his family for lunch while on vacation.
Darwell works for New Jersey Transit, has been married for 17 years, and has two children, 16 and 9.
(Research) Unless hiking, or on a school campus, a man carrying a backpack is always “kinda creepy”, according to a new independent study done by researchers at the Swiss Department Of Social Sciences. The research project, headed by department founder, Noah Rorschach, polled roughly 800 U.S, residents, both male and female, between the ages of 18 and 50. The study asked people to write down their first five thoughts when shown a short video of a man walking down a street carrying a backpack. Below are the five most frequently repeated responses:
5) “Probably a murderer.”
4) “What is he hiding?”
3) “Doesn’t he have a home?”
2) “He has drugs on him, for sure.”
1) “Kinda creepy.”
During the study, all participants were also shown two other photos: one of the same man with the same backpack walking on a college campus, and another of the same man hiking in the wilderness.
“Hey, totally different thing,” explained Rorschach, “I mean there’s nothing odd about a guy with a backpack in those two scenarios.”
The full report will be published next month, and can be viewed at http://www.sdss.gov/study/dosanddonts/bp
(Community Voices) Westlake Village resident Brad Tarnek, who often rides a bicycle around his hometown with his buddies, in full, florescent regalia, says he actually “has a life,” despite what it looks like. “I have been married for eight years, I have two beautiful children, and I have a fulfilling job as a numismatist,” explained Tarnek, 44. “I spend time with both my immediate and extended families, and my wife and I enjoy going out for dinner with our friends.”
The news was shocking to some of those present at Cafe Aroma, a local coffeehouse where Tarnek was overheard making said claims.
“I don’t believe a word of it,” chimed Cathy Shoop of Thousand Oaks. “Look at the helmet, the purple exercise knickers, or whatever the hell you call those things. Can you imagine the amount of time he probably spends at Sports Chalet?
Shoop’s friend, Debbie Wixon, agreed: “Look at him. I bet it takes him more time to prepare to go out in public than it takes me. And my husband says it takes me two hours to get ready.”
Tarnek held his ground though, and insisted that he maintains a full, well-balanced life. “My friends and I may look a certain way to people driving by. But I actually speak for a lot of us when I say our lives are full. Cycling is by no means an obsession. It’s just a hobby. Plus, it’s good for a person’s health.”