Cookin’ Corner: How To Make An Amazing Root Beer Float


(Recipe) If you’re anything like me, there are times in life when you are overcome with the desire to make a delicious, refreshing treat for yourself or your loved ones. When this mood strikes me, the solution is obvious: Root Beer Float. It’s easy if you have vanilla ice cream, root beer, a half hour, and the proper amount of counter space. Below are step by step instructions for one of the most amazing desserts ever created. Enjoy! Or as they say in France, Bon Appetit!

Ingredients Needed:

Vanilla Ice Cream (literally any kind)

Root Beer (literally any kind)


Using a mug (or a glass of literally any kind – doesn’t matter), combine the ice cream with the root beer.

“ASK TIMMY” – Ten Years Old, Diagnosed With ADHD, And Full Of Advice For Our Readers


(Advice) Timmy Braxton is a ten year old who resides in Kalamazoo, Michigan. His developmentally-totally-normal-considering his-age-and-environment “symptoms” have landed him in the office of a shrink two times a week, so he is already ripe with a lot of life experience. Here, Timmy answers a question from one of our very own readers.

Dear Timmy,

I want to buy a birthday gift for my seven-year-old nephew, Grady. He really liked Legos last year, but seems to have outgrown those things already. Do you think it’s because he just needs some new, more exciting ones? Or were Legos just a phase, maybe? I’m not sure. If I don’t get him Legos, I have no clue what I will buy for him. Help!

An Aunt Lost,

Michelle D’Angelo – Provo, Utah

Dear michelle,

you have to jump up on the top of the highest mountain and then – bop bop bop – a huge brontosaurus comes and eats your paper. I made up a song that makes rats turn red. We were in the ocean and I was like I JUST WANNA GO HOME. Nobody ever saw me playing hyde and seek but Amanda carsons who is in my grade dropped a piece of tomato on the ground and it was so gross!!! I colored in my coloring book me killing my mom but the picture was a taco playing banjo.


Medicine To Help ‘Common Clearing Of The Throat’ Awaits FDA Approval


(Health) Relief might be on the horizon for the billions of people afflicted by BAFS (“Brief Accumulation of Phlegm Syndrome”). Otherwise known as “the clearing of the throat”, or, “coughing”, BAFS has become so common that the mathematical probability of knowing a sufferer stands still at 100%. And the picture gets no brighter when you look at the odds of being diagnosed yourself. “Unfortunately, 10 out of 10 people will personally encounter BAFS in his or her lifetime,” explains Henry Stein, M.D., one of the biochemists who helped create Fleyderchomerdehm, which is scheduled for FDA review in Spring, 2018.

“The level of unanimous, global acceptance of BAFS startles me,” said Stein, “and for many years I felt all alone in my concern.”

While known side effects of Fleyderchomerdehm include seizures, irreversible hearing loss, and pancreatitis, the benefits far outweigh the cons, according to Stein.

“One of the patients, a man I treat in my private practice, has to clear his throat several times during the course of a brief conversation. Sadly, this is no anomaly”, continued Stein, “it is the norm.”

Completely Healthy-Looking Employee Spotted At A ‘Whole Foods’ Market


(Research) A completely healthy-looking employee was spotted working behind the counter at a Whole Foods Market located in Denver, Colorado on Friday. Toby Davis, 23, reported the sighting while at the store buying fruit but did not catch the cashier’s name.

“I was too tripped out,” explained Davis, “Michelle maybe? Mary? I think her name started with an ‘M'”.

Davis, a college student who resides in the Denver area, said that the cashier not only looked fully-hydrated, but that “it was as if she had been getting an entirely proper amount of vitamins, proteins, nutrients, and minerals.” Davis continued: “This is uncommon in my experience. Usually, the employees (at Whole Foods) look unhealthy. Gaunt. It could partially be the lighting at my location, but they sometimes appear jaundiced.”

Whole Foods is a grocery chain renowned for its selection of food products deemed to be healthier than the types of items one would find in most other major grocery stores. Therefore, it may not be surprising that sightings like this are becoming more common. Last month, three healthy-looking employees were noticed working at the same time at a Whole Foods in Rancho Cucamonga, California.