(Psychology) Reknown psychologist Jennifer Caspara LMFT, PHD, recently wrote in the Oxford Study Of Daily Human Emotions Weekly that, well, people don’t always say what they mean. Most of us already know this, however, but the real bombshell Caspara drops in her recent article is that sometimes humans mean the exact opposite of what they actually say. In her thesis, Caspara states that when someone says, “Love Ya”, they might as well be saying, “I hate you right now, you asshole.” Particularly if the person being spoken to was once a recipient of one or more “I Love You”‘s.
“‘Love Ya’ is really a demotion,” explains Caspara, “and one must pay careful attention to the linguistic codes. Ideally, you want to go from hearing ‘Love Ya’ to ‘I Love You’, and not the other way around. After you’ve heard ‘I Love You’ from someone, you never want to hear them say ‘Love Ya’. It would be more honest of them to say, “I used to have strong, positive emotions surrounding our relationship, but now I’m starting to dislike you a lot. I know I shouldn’t be mad. I know society would tell me that my anger in this situation is silly, so I am going to try to sneak out of saying the phrase ‘I Love You’ and just hope you won’t notice until I can sort out my shit.”
Caspara also believes that just about everyone unconsciously knows all of this is all true, but feels many will argue with her in order for them to continue saying “Love Ya” to people they don’t like, in order to avoid a) confrontation, and b) looking honestly at themselves.
“Many adults pretend that they want to have close, meaningful relationships with other people,” she continued, “but they are unwilling to do the work it takes because it is difficult.”